Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Panopticon Celebrity Smackdown II

Are you ready to rumble?

Today's competitors: writers Gertrude Stein and Dorothy Parker

Today's event: 3000m Speed Skating

This poll will close around 5 pm American Central Standard Time on Wednesday, March 8, 2006.

Who will win in 3000m Speed Skating?
Gertrude Stein
Dorothy Parker
Free polls from Pollhost.com


Aidan said...

You funny.

Carol said...

Are you kidding me? Anybody who wrote:

If I had a shiny gun,
I could have a world of fun
Speeding bullets through the brains
Of the folk who give me pains

is gonna kick ass in any contest.


Kathy Merrick said...

Heh. While I think Dottie was most likely the stronger of the two (but not the meaner), she was probably pretty much too pissed to skate a straight line.
Or to care about skating a straight line.

Szarka said...

Convenient that speed skaters don't skate in straight lines.

Anonymous said...

my spouse suggested this celebrity smackdown: james carville and karl rove.

mrs. parker and her vicious circle all the way.....

anne marie

Jessica said...

Sorry, but rugged Gertrude is going to knock little, drunken Dorothy on her gin-soaked ass.

Kathy Merrick said...

Oh, Szarka, a big welcome to one of the Army of the Irony Impaired...

Cheryl said...

I pick Gertrude Stein, because the Germans have always been good in the winter sports....

birdfarm said...

I associate Parker with suicidal depression even more than drunkenness, but otherwise my assumptions about the contest were similar to others' here... in short, Parker would be theoretically capable of greater speed and agility than Stein, but probably could not be coaxed into giving a shit for long enough to get around the track...maybe not even across the starting line.

FiberQat said...

This is an endurance race so durability under pressure is the key. It was a tough call, but I think ole Gertie has Dottie beaten on this one. Even if Alice wasn't on the sidelines cheering her on. As to who's the most fetching in clap skates, Dorothy.

Elizabeth said...

This is a much tougher one to call than Chin/Mondragon. I wonder if either one will have the stamina?

Hey, my verification word is like a mixed up roman numeral:

Except for the k.

dragon knitter said...

i went with gertie. anybody with a face like that is going to kick ass & take names.

Ellen in Conn said...

Franklin vs. Paris whatsername.

p.s. did you know that "vice versa" is Latin for "naughty poetry"?

Judith in Ottawa said...

Dorothy Parker would be sitting in the bleachers, puffing on her third smoke and finishing her flask when Gertie came around the first lap.

If she knew what a cell phone was she'd be beaming photos to Wolcott.

Helen said...

Dorothy of course; even with the booze she's trimmer and fitter. It's a question of when the event is held (relatively early in the day would be my preferance) and what the prize is. A new flask? She'll respond. Love the thought about beaming pix to Wolcott.

Holly @Home said...

Gertie's hair look far more aero-dynamic to me.Word Veri. is a code I'm begining to think ...maybe it's Navajo ? If I become a "Windtalker" and get captured by a rival from Yahoo will you shoot me ?

Sean said...

Dottie looks too tirec to FINISH LOL

Aidan said...

How does the saying go..."Age and treachery will aways overcome youth and skill."

But in this case I guess it would be "Age and treachery will always overcome drunk and bitter."

Wish I could have them both over for a glass of gin...I'd love to sit in the corner and listen to them argue. Wouldn't that be fun?

Jon said...

Isn't that a give away? Gerty all the way....

Anonymous said...

Gertie, definitely, for all the reasons listed above.

Franklin, your readers are the greatest!

-Lynn in Tucson

Geogrrl said...

In the average street fight, I'd bet on Dottie all the way--depending on how drunk she was.

But in long-track speed skating? Dude, even if she could stay upright that long, she'd never find the finish line... or she'd wander off looking for a drink.

So, as much as I love Dottie, I'd have to go with Gertie for the win in that competition.

pacalaga said...

Sadly, I'm not familiar with either's works (don't block me for being unejumacated) but Dottie looks so TIRED and Gertie looks so pissed off. She looks like she could draw on some rage to burn up those skates.

Stuntmother said...

Dor-o-thy. Dorothy Hamill (who, I believe, was named for the marvellous Ms. Parker) can skate a little, but she's not a patch on the pointed Dorothy Parker.

Go Dottie. Go Dottie.

Oh, I already have.

Lucia said...

I have no clue, actually, but I picked Dottie just because I copied her Resume in painstaking calligraphy 30 years ago. Ah, youth.

Leslie said...

Franklin? Why did I even bother to vote -- especially as my word verification thingy is disabled. I have a blank (just like my mind ?)

Whew - after I posted that I got the word thing - cfnvws (canadian frontier news 'n views???)

btw - voted for Gertie of course - my momma raised me right!

Marilyn said...

Dottie is my literary idol. "What fresh hell is this?" Indeed.

Dottie was also a prolific knitter during her Bucks Co. years.

Stein? I don't think so.

Amie said...

One perfect rose, one perfect winner....

Carol said...

Now, Franklin, you know the celebrity smackdown I'm waiting to see....

Debbie said...

Go, Dorothy, go!

Fannie Pie said...

Gertie is carrying too much weight to kick Dottie's ass....

great idea, and great pairing! thanks for the first laugh of my day!

carla rey said...

Look at their respective output, folks; the long form social commentary as opposed to the short story and the indelible witticism. Clearly Gertrude is an endurance skater while Dottie is a sprinter.
And by "sprinter" I mean Dottie would ask some handsome young man to help lace her skates and then wander off with him for a drink before the race started.

bluecanary said...

Dottie, definitely. Although Gertrude can summon three sisters who are not three sisters, so that's something.

Missed you at the MCA on Tuesday! Please come and visit my blog and let me know your opinion on questions contained therein!

Brenda Dayne said...

This is, of course, not a question to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Dotty all the way, or I am the Queen of Romania.

kat said...

Gertrude might be amused enough to watch the race but only with scathing commentary from Alice B, therefore Parker would win by default.

marie in florida said...

franklin? i have a question for you. i have been looking at David over on Marilyn's blog. what the heck is he holding? looks like a sock slung over his shoulder and maybe the ball of yarn in his other hand?

Cheryl said...

Lord knows I love Dottie, but 3000m? I figure she a) is weak from her recent suicide attempt, or b) will go looking for a drink after 1.5 laps. Gert will be more likely to stick to the task.

It will be the longest 3000 in history, though. This race could go on for days.

Andy said...

Gertrude would be skating and skating, and thinking about winning, and she would skate, and she would think, and there would be more skating (oh, is this a race?!)...and in the end...

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