Friday, March 10, 2006

Stein Narrowly Defeats Parker

Welcome to Panopticon Sportscenter!

We're here to announce the victor in this week's Celebrity Smackdown: Gertrude Stein vs. Dorothy Parker in 3000m speed skating.

The results:
Gertude Stein: 58% (257 votes)
Dorothy Parker: 42% (184 votes)
We interviewed the competitors in the locker room.

Stein: "We were standing and she was talking and I was not listening, and then we were skating and not talking she was talking and skating, and I was skating and not talking. She was talking and skating then not skating and talking and I was not listening. Skating and talking is talking is not skating. Skating is skating. She was skating not skating and talking and drinking not skating. She was talking and drinking not skating and I was skating. I was skating and not listening and skating and not drinking and I was winning. And then I was mopping the rink with her skinny New York ass."

Parker: "When ice is not covered by scotch, I am deeply uninterested."


Kathy Merrick said...

Je t'adore, mon beau fripon chauve.
Tu m'agrandis le coeur.

Sue said...

That Dorothy, a woman of few words, but always to the point. I should have voted more times. Or would that be election fraud?

Paul said...

Excellent, excellent post!!

Thank you

marie in florida said...


you crazy!

Jon said...

Mon Dieu, que tu sois un fripon??? LOL

msubulldog said...

"I am not an alpaca!" had me laughing out loud! :)

Aidan said...

Pardonnez mon français tres faible. Votre schema m'a incite a uriner un peu dans mon pantalon. Vous etes tres drole.

Nik said...

ditto. (what bulldog said)


Kathy Merrick said...

Et toi aussi, Aidan.
Je ricane.

Anonymous said...

Je ne connaissias pas "fripon." Merci pour le nouveau mot du jour!

Il n'est que 10h30 ici ce vendredi matin, mais un p'tit whisky fera du bien....

Bon weekend a tout le monde,
Lynn in Tucson

Heather said...

I think you did Stein at least as well as the woman herself. Quite cringe-worthy in my opinion, even if she *is* part of the literary canon now. *Sigh* And Parker was just hilarious. Wonder what she would've said had she won...?


Kathy Merrick said...

Cool. Frankophiles. Franklin, you attract a good crowd.
"Fripon" is an old-fashioned word.
It means "rascal" or "naughty one".
It's one of my favorite French words, the other being "barbouiller", to smear something

David said...

I love love love you.

Andy said...

I could almost hear you laughing as you wrote the Gertrude Stein part! Laughing, laughing, laughing, posting and laughing!

Norskybear said...

Tant mieux qu'on a une groupe francophone ici!

The Stein quote was simply exquisite! "The Mother of Us All" is one of my favorite operas; saw it at City Opera a few years ago.

You always manage to make me smile!

Beth said...

Hey! No fair commenting in a language I can't read!

As always, a wonderful post.

corbett said...

I'm so happy to be a new Frankophile. I've been lurking on a few blogs now that I've begun to knit again... If only I could make my fingers work... sigh.
I voted for Stein because I too thought Parker would be too bored to even make it to the starting line...
This has become my new favorite blog. I only wish someone would support Franklin so he could write for us all day...

Anonymous said...

LOL, Franklin, I can so believe the results of the Smackdown and the contenders' post-smackdown conversation. And look forward to finding the upshot of Dolores' sudden arrival at your abode. (The King Charles pattern you are using in your scarf is one I am determined to try for *something*.)
(blogless, hence anonymous)

boobookittyfug said...

There is a special language for Franklinophiles. Just like French, but with giggling.

filambulle said...

Well if I may speak french today...
Francklin, mon colinet, je fond d'attendrissement, de plaisir et de joie devant ton esprit, ton humour fin et ton imagination. Il ne me reste plus aujourd'hui qu'à me pencher d''un peu plus près sur la littérature anglosaxonne, car j'avoue à ma très grande honte ne pas connaître ces deux grandes dames. (Il faudra bien un jour qu'enfin j'admette qu'il y a un monde après Jane Austin.)

Liz said...

Why is it no one ever sent me yet
One perfect limosine, do you suppose?
Ah no, it's always just my luck to get
One perfect rose.

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