Wednesday, April 14, 2010

A Haus Is Not a Home

I came home from the studio yesterday and Harry me at the front door wearing a fright wig made of silver tinsel and holding a large brush from which green paint was dripping onto the blue carpet.

This is never a good sign.

“Hi,” he said. “Wow. Nice to see you. Did you have a good day? Did you get outside to breathe fresh air? You look like you could use some fresh air. You should go for a walk. Outside. For maybe an hour.”


“Harry, I’m tired. I spent half the day knitting a shawl and the other half ripping it back. I just want to order Chinese and watch television.”

“That’s not a good idea. There’s nothing on.”

“Yes, there is. The Yarn Channel is showing Behind the Fiber: Alice Starmore at seven o’clock.”

“We already watched that.”

“We missed the second half because Dolores threw her Sazerac Sling at the screen.”

“Oh, yeah. She said Alice pushed her off a cliff during a photo shoot.”

“I told you not to mention that again. Lawyers are expensive.”


“So go switch on the set and while I call Lo Hung’s.”

“Can I have an extra egg roll?”

“Sure. And ask Dolores what she wants.”

“Mostly she wants you to stay out of the living room. Except it’s not the living room now it’s the atelier.”

"The atelier?"

"The atelier."

“I don’t want to know why, but why?”

“Because the man is in there painting.”

“Painting what? The walls?”

“No, Dolores.”

“He's painting a picture of Dolores?”

“No. He’s painting Dolores. I mean, he’s putting the paint on her.”

“I don’t want to know why, but why?”

“So they can take some pictures for the poster.”

“The poster?”

“For the festival.”

“The festival?”

“The music festival.”

“The music festival?”

“Dolores is going to make a music festival.”

“A music festival?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Dolores bellowed from the living room. “Just get in here, Harry, and bring Little Sir Echo with you. Laszlo can’t finish my left cheek until you wash out that brush.”

“You know,” I said, “I didn’t get any fresh air today. I think I should go for a walk. Outside. For maybe an hour. Or maybe all night.”

“Take me with you,” whispered Harry. “Pretty please?”

To be continued. Sigh.


Tameson said...

What? No Comments? I'm dying to see Dolores' paint job!

Sara in WI said...

Sitting on pins (coiless) and needles (addi-turbos) for the next installment!

livnletlrn said...

Oh, this oughta be fun. From afar.

Which left cheek, the north or the south? heh.

cheryl:) said...

Hmmm.. I want THE YARN CHANNEL.... Anything on SIRIUS that's interesting?? said...

I found the idea of a Yarn Channel so distracting I had to stop, close my eyes, imagine it fully, remind myself it doesn't exist, go through several stages of grief, open my eyes, and re-read.

All of which is to say this piece is so funny and good that it actually distracted me from my period of no-yarn-channel mourning. Thank you, Franklin, for comfort in a sad time.

Candy said...

too funny, Franklin! thanks for the smile. Can't wait to read the ongoing saga...

hokgardner said...

Oh how I love tales of Harry and Delores. I look forward to the next installment

Riin said...

Poor Harry!

Sandy said...

Yea! Harry and Delores are back!

I mean -- uh oh. Delores is back.

And the Yarn Channel is a damn good idea. If golfers can have a channel why can't we?

RagdollDesigns said...

I just read you post out loud and the sock yarn is chanting "more, more, more" from upstairs.

Marty said...

(giggle) (a lot) ....

Alwen said...

Such a relief to find someone who is just possibly a bit weirder than I am.

Anonymous, too said...

Is this the Material Sheep's idea of hand-painted fleece?

Carrie said...

Lo Hung's
Little Sir Echo
You are so funny! Thanks for the giggle.

Emily said...

I take it Dolores has seen "Why Paint Cats"? (The sequel to "Why Cats Paint".)Not that she's a cat, oh no, but....

Susan said...

Oh, Little Sir Echo, how do you

Simply riotous.

harriet said...

Lo Hung indeed!

Dolores - the image is burning (in) my brain.

Can't wait to hear what happens next.

Pickyknitter said...

I do NOT want to know which cheek. Nope. Not a bit.

Genevieve said...

If there ever is a Yarn Channel, I think I'll have to get cable.

Love the drawing of Harry and look forward to the continuation!

Laurie said...

A Yarn Channel...if only... I mean, my god, they have a golf channel...what could be more boring than that?

Bonnie said...

I agree with knitlikeyoumeanit. A Yarn Channel would be awesome. Please give Harry my love.

Gerri in St Paul said...

Yarn channel? Finally a reason to buy a TeeVee. You'll tell us how to tune that in when you're up here this weekend-week, right?

kristy said...

Here I am reading your post and then suddenly,I have to wait for the next installment, shuckies darn,I was looking forward to see what exactly happen to your living room.That Delores should meet my Archimedes.

Randi said...

Not being known for originality, I say "ditto" to all the above. Thanks for the laugh, Franklin.

Sahara said...

Uh oh Franklin, they have you ordering an extra egg roll? That's not a good sign either, LOL!


evalyn said...

The first sign of trouble is being met at the door by a talking ball of yarn who wants you to go somewhere else for an hour. At least that's what it means at my house.

Linda said...

Mama mia, what a lead in to your next stroke of brilliance. I mean, first we have the EZ motion picture, and now the painting in the living room: I can see your mind is awhirl, creatively.
And here I thought that 1000 Knitters was a one-up shot in the yarn bin...
GOODNESS, my word verification is...OVESSE. What does this portend?

SusieQ100 said...

Can't wait for the continuation!! That Dolores,she's a one, isn't she...

My word is "actaphyd", which sounds like some 'orrible creepy crawly; gives me the itxhes just thinking about it!

tsmith said...

When Delores undergoes the first shearing (long overdue) will we be able to refer to the end product as "virgin" wool?

Victoria said...

Long-time lurker- the image of Dolores' painted... er, parts has brought me out now. Even my Muggle husband snorted "aw crap" when he saw this.

If there ever was a Yarn Channel out there, I think Dolores and Rabbitch should co-anchor the nightly news broadcast. Just saying ;)

(P.S. Word verification is "berses". Hmmm...)

FiberQat said...

If Dolores is getting a paint job it means she's been sheared. A truly naked Dolores. The image burns like lava. Thanks Little Sir Echo. No number of cosmos will remove that from my brain.

Gail (nosenabook) said...

Harry's ball band is particularly inspired.
Love the fright wig.

Eileen said...

You'd better check your bank account. Sounds like Dolores has been investing in a lot of liquid refreshment lately...possibly bourbon flavored? (And I'll check back--safely, from here in RI--to see what happens next. Good luck!!)

Kathleen said...

The *Yarn Channel*?!? Oh, I so want to live in your world. Also, my husband and I lost it completely at Little Sir Echo. (Sadly, he did have to point out the Lo Hung's thing to me.)

Shirley said...

More please ...

Leah said...

Well, I do hope you took Harry with you. And left the fright wig and the paint brush behind. And Harry got his extra eggroll, and Lo Hung's had an extra nice special.

The verification is pyocop.


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